hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
