yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
