If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
