Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
