I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
