your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
