One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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