NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
