so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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