Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
