I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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