He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
