When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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