happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
