That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
