oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
