My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
