I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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