I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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