You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
