my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
