Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
