When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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