I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
