I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
