Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
