I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
