i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
