doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
