Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
