She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
