What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
