I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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