you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
