i would punch a child for taco bell
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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