Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
