Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
