i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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