I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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