At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
