Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
