I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
