Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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