Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
