Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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