i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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