He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
