i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
