I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
