Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
