I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
