Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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