dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
